Sex Magic in One Act: Exploring the Properties of Extensional Sex – Lolix

Photo by N Maxwell Lander

Photo by N Maxwell Lander

Keywords: Extension. The erotic imaginary. Tentacles. The Psyche. Prostitution. Kinaesthesia. Piercing.


Say “phallic power” to most people in my neck of the woods and they’ll point out an obelisk-type shape to you straightaway. Like it was the most obvious thing. Like skyscrapers or those purple-veined Chinese eggplants and, well, bananas of course and Freud’s cigar, and and and well, obviousness is a kind of shared knowledge, an assumption, because of the way a socially agreed upon meaning coincides with your attention. Your vision is invited along the object’s length/shaft, which gets taken up as a silent offering to penetrate. Or, it surrounds you by lifting your eyes, infiltrating your vision, towering over, as in an erected building. Perhaps all architecture that points upwards asserts its own penile force field: the symbolic erection rules the city.

On my search for the labial counterpart to this exaggerated psycho-symbolic imagery, I had a hard time finding something that resonated with the specificity of what having a cunt meant; something that wasn’t merely visual – like the beautiful image of orchids, oysters and sea anemones. Yes, these pretty little things depict well the fleshy folding juicy bits, the hard to distinguish inner from outer parts, moist and luscious, committed to the natural realm, simultaneously inviting and fearful. Blah, blah, blah! But what about the pussy’s indissociable power, where was that? I’m talking about the psychic importance of the pussy exteriorized in the social-material realm, obviously. There doesn’t appear to be any easily recognizable object and even less a common sense perception, one that would make us unite under its meaning and impact. So I went back to the process of exteriorization because that’s what the phallus seemed to be about – being out in the world for all to see: conquering, protecting, projecting. Solid and tangible. I closed my eyes and imagined the interior world of my pussy (mmmhmmm!)… and then I flipped her inside out. What extended from my body was a tentacular design of no small importance, displaying multi-limbed, transversal, amorphous, porous offshoots. Following through with this visual experiment, I would describe its extremities as extensional rather than directional and arrow-like; its capacity for connectivity is more about permeation than penetration.

In a totally over-simplified gesture, I guess the West doesn’t really have a counterpart for Japanese tentacle sex or the limbs of the Hindu goddess Shakti, where there’s a visual imaginary that explores and explicates the psychic phenomenon of feminine libidinous energy as extensity. I think porosity is useful here too, because it coincides with permeation – an osmotic communication, openness between inside and outside (rather than a conclusive dichotomy). In geology, porosity measures the void fraction or ‘empty spaces’ in materials; the labial symbolic qualifies the negated spaces and brings them to bear on our psyche. This is, practically speaking, intuitional information. I understand psychic space to be linked to the libido because it maps an interior world; it has to do with our fantasies and “inner life,” but I also recognize that these forces are constitutive in the social domain, and that the psyche continually gets re-interpreted and regulated. So for me, a discovery of “labial power” would be to perceive extensity consciously and to map that discovery in space as a phenomenon. Here, socially and politically speaking, there is both capture and resistance, creativity and commodification.

What does a practice of extensional sex look like? How is extensity represented by the image? How can I assert and affirm sexual experiences that give way to extensional sensibilities? Extensional sex enacts a 3D trajectory, a spatial alchemy whose accountant is an octopus. Like my friend K once said, “my pussy is like an ear or a seashell,” the penetrating finger doesn’t go “in and out” but, blind and tactile, explores its cavities, dis/appearing ridges and shifting curves.

Encounter: I start seeing an elderly client who underwent prostate surgery. Already we jerk off to two affirmations: post-surgery libido and hot geriatric sexuality. I tongued his silver hair, sucked on his wilted and wrinkled nipples, lowered my wet cunt onto his unsteady, sun-spotted fingers. G’s orgasm is a thick spasm that travels from his hips to his chest and out through his throat. I know this because my mouth is suctioned around his soft cock like a kind of land-based leech-kiss, and presses down into his hips as he cums. I feel the wave journey through me in a crescent shape. I hear his moans as his gentle thrusts transform into vibratory convulsions. If I wasn’t regularly fucking women I might not recognize the absolutely feminine nature of his orgasm or see mirrored in him the sign-less pulse of an orgasmic torsion. After the removal of his prostate, G can orgasm but has lost his erection and ability to ejaculate. The ‘normal’ properties attributed to the maleness of orgasm have been displaced; there’s no easy phallic equivalent at work here. His orgasms however are felt, present, attained, but the orgasmic eclipse doesn’t occur in the same way. At times he mourns his erection (the possibility of being inside a woman) and at the same time we’re re-learning sexual habits that more deeply integrate with his new state. Never asexual nor eunuch-ified.

I ask him to step into my leather strap-on and wiggle my low-density silicone 6.5”x2” cock into the holster. I lead him to the mirror and ask him to play with himself, touching both cocks, swaying his hips, closing his eyes, superficially connecting with the silicone and leather extension of his sex. I use the word “extension” instead of “addition” or “substitution,” because the former experiments with extending the lived body rather than simply adding to what is already there. Emphasizing extension actualizes connection through contact. In Sympathetic Magic, contact and imitation operate to the degree where seeing and hearing something is to be in contact with the thing. Through the mirror he sees his prosthetic cock and simultaneously feels the pull of the dick through the harness as his pleasuring caresses vibrate along the leather straps holding it in place. The leather skin is in contact with his skin, our hands double around both shafts – silicone and flesh, and the mirror reflects disparate body parts as we enter a deliciously erotic trance. Extension is constituted precisely through vision and tactility, offering a parallelism of the senses – an erotic kinaesthesia. This isn’t the labial appropriated by the male or “channelled” through the feminine, but mutually explored, where the phallus no longer claims authorship. Exploration leads to imitation, which in sympathetic magic works through manipulating the chain of cause and effect, where desired effects are achieved through imitating them.

I kneel down, playing with his lower cock. I stare him straight in the eyes through the mirror and enclose my lips around his upper cock. The silicone phallus disappears into my mouth, which I suck and tease, alternately trailing saliva from my lips to his cocks. My mouth and hand work both cocks; I grip and tug and tickle while my other hand roams his hips and buttocks. The images intermingle with G’s and my own bodily participation. Contagion, the other aspect of sympathetic magic, works to close the gap between silicone cock and embodied sensation. Adding to the ideas of sympathetic magic is that of attentive perception[1] where a circuit created between each minute perception and the movement of objects shakes up the psychical organization of our whole being. When we attend consciously to the perceptual integrations taking place through and between objects, we become aware that our own field of perception is continually being modified. In this moment I’m asking G to become a dyke and be “at one” with his harness, but if this doesn’t work out then at least we’re attempting to understand sexuality through a different diagram. The silicone cock is not his, but for the moment, through mimicking the heterosexual acts of a hand job or a blow job and, later, fucking, openness to something outside oneself gets integrated as real. There’s no way to account for the orgasm that follows, but a certain labial force-field of connectivity and permeation assists in the heightening of erotic pleasure.

G gifts me a paper bag full of ribbons the next time he books me. I thread them around the loops piercing my labia. The piercings are micro-orifices, self-created openings which mark imaginary extensions onto a material field of power. The ribbons articulate a 3D spatial field of what was formerly unseen – the externalization of labial power. Tentacle-like, they make sense of what’s inside by projecting outward without compromising their fluidity, giving space to the complexity of nuance, of inflexions and tendencies that traverse the psycho-social sphere.


[1] Taussig, Michael. 1993. Mimesis and Alterity: A Particular History of the Senses. New York: Routledge.

Taussig, Micheal. 1992. Physiognomic Aspects of Visual Worlds. Visual Anthropology Review, Vol 8 No 1 Spring. pp. 15-28.

Lolix is a Toronto-based pleasure activist, reluctant academic, occasional porn-creator who often has ponies on the brain.