Negrita, Mi Luz – Daniel Brittany Chávez

[This text is meant to be read as onomotopoeia…]

 

This is not a spoken word piece…this is not a theoretical text…this is a dedication to the chord that connects my left nipple to the tip of my clit…a love letter from the crevices of your inner thighs to the curve of your spine…to the growl of your throat as you…

This body…this body…is biologically female…female….cis/queer/fuck/shit arriba más arriba…mmmmm papimami….

But this body occupies TWO SPIRITS…TWO SPIRITS that scream in the agony of projected definition

Siento los rincones de tus caderas abajo de las mías…

Does my masculinity exploit the comfort of your 1950s female nails? Making them want to peel back in shame?

Soy loca…loca…loca…por tu tigre? Tigre/pantera/leona…AY…

Your lover, you call me trans… trans trans…nacional? racial? transssssssssssssss…

gressing the boundaries of our skin…train tracks of red mark the way we melt, melt melt into an abyss

Top…bottom…bottom, top…cross, across…crossing every system that attempts to close us in…

Tu piel, como el cafe…relieves some of existential angst at this heteronormative existence…give me some resistance, I dare you…love in the times of ____ queer?

Tu cuerpo no es mío…no creemos en la posibilidad of owning one another’s bodies…

YOU are of the stars…

Does my swagger offend you? Does my corte de cabello enrage you?

I refuse to bow to the binary that passifies your sexuality…your family…your fragile sense of stability…

Every space is a potential space of violence, of discomfort…

“Yes I know this is the women’s bathroom, shall I take out a chichi for you…?”

Would the twisted scene across your face shift if I all of a sudden decide to stare back as a mirror to your freak show gazing game? shall we make it a duet?

Estas casada, tienes hijos? Cuentame de tu familia…

Te cuento de mi mama genderfóbica? “Ay mija por favor dime por que las lesbianas siempre quieren aparecer como hombres? Ay mija prometeme por favor prometeme pero es que no sabria que hacer si un dia te ves como un hombre. Ay mija por favor nunca olvides que eres una mujer hermosa….hermosa?” Dime…como defines hermosaaaaaa?

A ver a ver a ver…Te cuento de mi obsesion por explosiones performáticas donde saco mi rabia digna at being so fucking queerly queer and often lacking a space to exist uncensuredly? My body is my materia prima, don’t get this shit twisted, nudity aint pornography….

I’ve learned to get off on the discomfort. To get off on penetrating the abyss…your abyss… hands please

Not a bone in me feels sad. Not a bone in me mourns…agency…VIVA…VIIIIIDAAAAAA

YOU mourn my soft long curls, my skirts, my make-up…my full drag performance…

Pero no…no…no…I will not pacify your desire for my “normalcy” that enslaved me…

I’d rather sell my soul to the PRI…no morophine please…

En la obsuridad de este destino…medito en tu piel suavecita…ay mi negra, negra, negrita…negra como la luz

La luz es negra…una negritud que ocupa todo el espacio de mi ser…no siento la diferencia entre tu piel y la mía…

Aquí, aquí, aquí estamos presentes, seguras….espera….

Tu eres mi otro yo….

ESCUCHA…Me oyes?

Image © Doris Difarnecio

Image © Doris Difarnecio. Daniel Chávez in (Trans)itos Transmasculinos as part of the second annual Postporn Festival in Tuxtla Gutierrez, Chiapas, México.

Daniel Brittany Chavez is a performance artist-scholar-activist and two spirit transmasculine decolonial walker. He currently lives in San Cristóbal de las Casas, Chiapas, México where he is working on a project on Afro-descendancy in Mexico. He is also a doctoral candidate through the Department of Communication Studies at the Univeristy of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and a core troupe member of La Pocha Nostra.